LOVING MYSELF
How many times and for how many years I have looked into the eyes of another – friends, lovers, even strangers – asking “will you love me?” Yet no one can give me what I have not given myself. I cannot replace self-love with the love of others because unless I love myself, I can’t take in the gift. That’s the paradox. I want to be loved to feel lovable, but to actually take in the love of others, I have to believe I deserve it; I have to know that I am lovable already. It has taken hard work and tears and seeing myself as I really am but now, finally, there is, deep in the very core of my being, a mother-self whose love is so profound, so unconditional, so permanent that I know I am, forever, home. I know that she is me and I am her. This me, this I, this child and this adult, this growing, changing, struggling womanself needs and deserves an unconditional, for all time and all places, no questions asked, full, deep, wet, nourishing unafraid and permanently committed lover – and that lover is me! And I remember, when I need to make choices and decisions about how to live and how to be, that loving myself is not an option, but a decision, a commitment, and that it is not open for negotiation. The more I love myself, the more love flows to me from the world, and the more I have to give back. I am a woman loving myself!